Regrets
by Coranai
Summary: The thoughts and emotions of Wheatley and Chell following the end of Portal 2. GAR SPOILERS BLAH!  as if that's not implied


The thoughts and emotions of Wheatley and Chell after and about the end of Portal 2.

Major frigging SPOILERS happening here, if that's not implied enough by that description!

Portal 2 and all it's characters belong to Valve.

Enjoy!

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><p>I wish I could take it all back. I really do; I really do wish I could take it all back. And not just 'cause I'm stranded in space. You know what I would say if I ever saw her again? I would say… I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I was bossy, and monstrous. I never meant for it to go that far. Before it all, back when I was just Wheatley, gliding around on my management rail, I would have never wanted all that to happen. I became like Her. Just like Her. It was just… the astounding feeling of my new body, how big I was, how powerful, and in control. But all the new programming and urges built into the system, always pushing me to want more and have it never be enough… But I can't blame it all on the circuitry. I was selfish. I was too obsessed with what I had become, and she was so tiny and insignificant. But you know, if I'd really taken the time, if I had thought about it, if I had taken the time to <em>care<em>…

Well, I became exactly what I would have never wanted to be. I was heartless and cruel. I betrayed her. I used her for my own wants and purposes, and then tried to get rid of her when I was done. A proper maniac, that's what I was; a real proper maniac. It wasn't until the very end that I realized myself. When the vacuum of space began pulling us out, suddenly I was back in problem solving mode, just like old times; trying to fix things, or destroy things, and working together to try to evade and stump Her. But there was no time. And now I would give anything to undo it all. But here I am, stranded in space, and now she'll never know what I really want to say to her, now that I'm in my right mind; how so very sorry I am, and how much it hurts me what I did to her.

~!~

Chell set the cube down and wiped her forehead. They had been walking for many hours through the wheat and it was getting dark out, but the only reward for the work was a small _something_ out in the distance. It was still too distant to be able to tell what it was; it could be a group of buildings, a hill, some trees… but it was something, so that where Chell headed.

But for now she was tired. She sat down next to the companion cube, put her arm on it, and took a deep breath. The sun had been gone for a while, but some colors from its passing still decorated the sky. It had been nice to actually feel the warmth of the sun on her skin, but it was nice as well to feel the cool of night. Chell looked down at the companion cube and sighed, stroking it absentmindedly. It was even nicer than she expected to be reunited with her old friend. She'd felt so terrible walking away after incinerating it that it was a huge relieve to see it again and tell it how sorry she was. It had helped her so much, and she had dropped it in a fire. But the thing about the companion cube was, it had known how Chell felt before she dropped it. It was a huge personal struggle beforehand for her to be able to do that to her friend, but the cube understood. It knew she didn't want to destroy it, that she would miss it terribly when it was gone. The companion cube imparted to Chell all those years ago as it sat waiting on the giant red button that it understood, and that she should do what she must. "It would rather die in a fire than be a burden to you." GLaDOS could have phrased it more sensitively. So in that moment that Chell dropped the cube into the incinerator, there was an understanding between the two. But as she rode the elevator to the next level, she still couldn't shake the feeling that she had betrayed it.

But now she was united with it again, and everything was all right. She could apologize, even though she apologized beforehand, and could ask forgiveness, even though forgiveness had long ago been given. But it still allowed for reconciliation; the bad memory could be forgotten. Chell looked up at the rapidly darkening sky to a sight that she had not had in a long time; the stars. With no artificial light around for miles, she was treated to one of the most stunning sights nature has to offer. Suddenly, a cloud moved out of the way to reveal a bright full moon, and Chell was forced to think about what she had put out of her mind until that point. Wheatley was up there somewhere, floating in the depths of space, somewhere near the moon. There lied a true betrayal that had ended far from well.

Wheatley had been such a friend to her; a scarce luxury in the vicious Aperture Laboratories. He was maybe a bit thick at points, but he had been a huge help, a laugh when she needed it, and an encouragement when she was feeling desperate and despaired.

But his betrayal had none of the deep regret that had laced her parting with the companion cube. Under the influence of the new programming, Wheatley slowly stopped caring about her. He blamed her, accused her, abused her, and had eventually willed for her death. She didn't know how good the cameras were in the testing chambers, if he had been able to the tears in her eyes or how she shook with sorrow and anger. She longed for the ability to speak that she could call out to him and tell him to fight the corruption that he was allowing to consume him. She had despaired even more each time she watched him take another step farther down that dark road, and slowly replaced his golden, priceless innocence. He became more vile and self-centered, thinking only about how he could satisfy the urges that would torture him more the more he indulged them.

Even while she pitied Wheatley, Chell was deeply hurt by his betrayal. To the very end she hoped there was some way to turn him back, but she couldn't say anything, and there seemed to be little she could do to save him from himself when he was trying to kill her at every turn. Even when she was lying on the ground after the explosion of the stalemate button, broken and dying, his only reaction was to be irritated that she hadn't died. Chell had done the only thing she could think of to save herself. And at the end, as she was clinging onto Wheatley to keep from flying into outer space, it might have been her imagination, but it seemed to her that his voice had changed back from the vicious tones it had taken on, and without being able to see the rest of his "body," she could imagine for that split second that everything was just like it had been. Just her and good old wonderful Wheatley.

But he was gone now. Chell could still see him flying through space away from her as GLaDOS pulled her through the portal and back into the laboratories. "Grab me! Grab me! Grab me!" He had cried, no longer angry or cruel; no emotion at all except terror and desperation. Her arm remained outstretched in a futile attempt to save him, as she struggled simultaneously against her wounds to retain consciousness…

Chell shook her head to banish the images, and realized her heart was pounding. There would be no reconciliation this time; nothing to ease the pain of her feeling of abandonment. And it was a sickening, aching feeling. She was sure the Wheatley that she'd known before the change would never have wanted what came to pass, but even though she could forgive him in her heart, it wasn't the same as telling him so; even if he couldn't apologize, if she see him one last time to let him know she forgives him, and to see the look on the expressive little robot's face to let her know he understands it would make all the difference.

Chell lay down with her back against the cube. The deepening blackness of the sky revealed more and more stars, enhancing the already stunning beauty, but despite the wonder of it all Chell wasn't interested in beauty at the moment. The cube understood and sent a sort of calming hum into her mind, and a feeling of companionship. What she imagined would never happen; none of it ever would. Wheatley was simply gone and that was it. Chell shut her eyes in an attempt to keep the tears in. She didn't succeed. For all that Wheatley had done, she missed him.


End file.
